My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize