Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
