I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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