I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
