If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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