Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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