How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
