I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it because I queefed?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
