yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
