So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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