the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
