Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize