Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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