So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
