dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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