I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
