Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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