Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
