I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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