Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
