Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
