in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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