you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
