chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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