Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
