Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
