i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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