toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
