Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I looked at my own cervix.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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