Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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