So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
