There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
