Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
