Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
