bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
