I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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