o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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