I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
