My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
