Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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