Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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