i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
