And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
