im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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