My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
