Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
