It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
