I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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