how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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