I can text with my tongue
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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