I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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