oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
