it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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