a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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