I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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