feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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