Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
