so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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