It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
how drunk are you?
Several
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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