if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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