i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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