just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
what the fuck happened to the tacos
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
