Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize