I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
