Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
