oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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