somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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