She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
